The announcement for docking maneuver was sounded as early as 5:30am. Being anxiously excited, i returned my sheets and prepped my stuff, washed my face and showered myself with perfume. As i was getting ready to disembark, looking out the window, i still could not see the port from that window. So i sat by the window wondering what to do next.. I called up KR to ask for directions on where to buy flowers and which jeepney routes (since taxis are expensive and i had limited budget) to take to get from one place to the next quickly. I confirmed those directions with a kind lady carrying her baby who generously enumerated possible areas and their corresponding routes. As soon as i saw the pier5 of cebu, i propped up myself and stood in line among other passengers who wanted to disembark first. The vessel had already arrived but the docking took so long that i had to stand in that line for about 30 minutes when i could just have stayed on my bunk and slept for that duration. As soon as the exit was opened i rushed out and looked for the nearest taxi and rode to the nearest flower shop. All the while i had been praying for safety and praise God for providing it. Then, walking 3 more blocks, rode the jeepney to her dormitory which by the way, i had no idea where it was specifically. I just knew it was near the hospital. Carrying the bouquet with one hand and the phone with the other, i called her up several times without any response whatsoever. I called up some of her co-PGIs and without any positive response. So i mustered courage and walked to the ER turning a couple of heads as i passed by. Finally got inside the ER and asked the nurse if nicole was on duty (again, i did not know her duty status so i had no idea where she was). She asked her fellow nurses until everyone knew. It was sort of embarrassing for me especially with the comment of one gay nurse: "issue ba sa flowers ui..." with a usual sheepish tone. I waited at the lounge until they told me she was at her dorm and was on her way. She then called and as i couldnt wait anymore for her to arrive at the ER, i rushed to her dorm after receiving directions. Nurses expressed their dismay when they couldnt see the "action". I met her halfway as she was on her way out her dormitory and she was Shocked and teary eyed when she saw me carrying the flowers with both hands saying "sorry" with my face and literally as well. I placed my arms around her and we were quiet for some time... My hug was tight while hers was loose, i ushered to give her a kiss which was like kissing a wall. I thought she was just in a hurry. She asked if i was ok and stuff and the usual before proceeding for duty. And assured her i was because i was able to see her. She said she only had half day duty that day so we agreed to have lunch after. I hugged her once more and said "i love you" and she said the same back . Thinking we were already ok, i informed my family about it and they were happy to hear such good news. All those effort of rushing to buy tickets and letting the car fly through traffic (just so id make it on schedule) would not have been in vain. Then i just went walking around securing a cheap accommodation then went strolling for a LONG time in ayala. Tired and hungry, i ate my sandwich which mom wrapped before i left home. I went back to her dorm and she gestured for us to have lunch but i was more concerned about our status and she was blunt about it. So i probed further saying something like this:
"I came here not knowing what to say, or do...
I didn't even know i was coming here until i was halfway packing my bags..
I just simply wanted to come here...
not to tell you... But SHOW YOU.. I LOVE YOU.
That no matter how big my pride is..
My love for you will ALWAYS.. ALWAYS.. Weigh more!
Because truly, i still love you the same as the first day i said it to you.
Nothing less..
And i don't care if you don't love me back.
I'm not asking you that..
All I'm asking is that you let me show you...
Honestly, I'm not quite sure how I'd be doing that..
But I'm hoping... That THIS... Is already a start?"
But she was still insisting that we talk about it over lunch and I declined.
Sometimes, the things we see on Movies don't quite come out the same way in real life. You see, when the leading man goes to meet the leading lady, bring her flowers and say sorry even if it was not his fault. Then he would sweep her of her feet and make her fall in love with him again. That was not the case. When i asked... "dili nagyud diay madala babe?" silence was her reply. We then talked endlessly about the hows and whys. We made some minor mistakes and had shortcomings of my own but it was not the main problem for this scenario. There was no 3rd party involved (which by the way majority of what the people asked). It was not more of who did what wrong. She just simply needed... FREEDOM.
To give a little background, she was always a stay home kind of girl being fully "sheltered and protected" as she would call it. Now that she is starting to feel her independence, she wants to explore the world and grow in maturity. She said that if we continued staying in the relationship, i would be serving a safety fallback for her and she would not want that. I did not understand everything and what followed was a difficult denial-anger-bargaining-denial-anger-bargaining-depression stage for me. Never really progressing towards acceptance. After a silent lunch and an occasional q&a, thoughts about the almost 6 years of being together came flooding through my minds as a teardrop or two fell from my eyes. But she on the other hand remained strong and firm with her decision. We then proceeded to another place still at IT park and ordered drinks while waiting for our friends to arrive. It was an awkward moment for them at first but i managed to get the conversations going and slowly began to act just a little less than normal. I thought it would be a mistake inviting them because of the awkwardness and all. Bt God turned that awkwardness into an open dialogue which allowed us to express our thoughts and feelings openly.
On my last night in Cebu, hang out with my X-GF for last time and had fun. I was up early the next morning to catch my flight.
Now, as i sit in my reclined chair, empty of human love. But as i look up on the plane's window, it was God's "welcome home my son!" tarpaulin. Reminding me that God will make all things new. With or without Nicole... It would not matter. If our paths would meet in the future and go well, then id be much thankful. If not, then i pray we be set apart by God with our individual partners and still work out things for the greater glory of God.
In line with this... I will be temporarily deactivating this account not to avoid all the hurts and stuff, but to focus more on God's call of being part in His healing ministry. To my friends who wept and was saddened with me, i am truly blessed with your texts, comments, posts, pats, shat offers.. Truly you are all genuine! As for Nicole... May you find the freedom that you so long for. As for me... May i continually receive God's unconditional love and gain even more perseverance of being a doctor in the making.
To God be the Glory!
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| The Real Popoy and Basha. |
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| The Real Life Popoy and Basha |
